Imagine you are having a conversation with someone. Whether the conversation is professional or personal, it does not matter. At some point, the person you are talking to says, “put yourself in my shoes.” What is the first thought that enters your head when you hear that? For me, it depends! How I interpret that statement depends on the context in which it was said.

Scenario 1: It is the beginning of the conversation. I just started talking to this person but we both know the topic of discussion. One of us calls the other, or we dial into a conference call and get on the line. The first thing the person says to me after we align on the situation is, “put yourself in my shoes,” and begins to complain about how the situation impacts him or her.

By the time this person concludes the rant, I have completely forgotten to put myself in his or her shoes. I have even forgotten that I was asked to do so. I just remember hearing, “this conversation is going to be all about me.” Especially if this person asks me absolutely nothing before, during, or after the verbal diarrhea of complaints against the situation.

Which of these is the worst though? 1) When someone asks for your thoughts and, after you’ve taken the time to share them, completely disregards them and resumes the verbal diarrhea? 2) Cuts you off mid-sentence to resume complaining after requesting your thoughts? 3) Does not wait for a response after asking? OR 4) Does not ask at all? Leave a comment below.

Scenario 2: It is the middle of the conversation. We have been discussing the situation, its pros and cons and impacts. At some point, the other person reaches the height of frustration and says, “put yourself in my shoes.” In this case, I do not hear “this conversation is going to be all about me.” Instead, I hear, “I need someone to please tell me I have been heard.”

Because we have discussed the situation at length, I can bring myself to understand where this person might be coming from. We have all been there. Sometimes we just need validation that someone heard what we said. It is nice to know that the person I am speaking with does not live in a cave. Although I am certain Amazon delivers there too.

Anyway, what do you hear when someone says “put yourself in my shoes” during a conversation? Do you know how you use this statement when you talk to others? After having some interesting conversations over the years, I have learned to be more selective about using it. Now I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes first.

I also try not to ask anyone to put himself or herself in my shoes. If someone forgets to do so, I find a way to end the conversation as quickly as possible and move on to something more productive. Thanks for reading.